Wednesday, March 10, 2010

"I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old"

I was watching the Oscars online the other night, watching it on a tiny window slapped in the middle of a web page littered with ads proposing ways i could shed up to 456 lbs in 7 minuets or talk to a lady called candy who popped up on the bottom right hand corner of the screen claiming she'd been waiting for me to come online....i didn't believe her.
The rest of the screen was given over to a chat box of Oscar related IM and tweet splurges. It was all very distracting but when i tried to op for a full screen of the show the picture quality went to hell...such is the price of free -AHEM- streaming. I kept watching though, right to the end and on through my growing anger with all the strangers on the chat thread asking questions such as 'why hasn't the girl from precious lost the movie weight yet?' 'why didn't they mention heath ledger during the remembrance bit?' and 'can someone tell me who that guy is?' (it was steve martin ). None thought to ask why Farrah Fawcett was snubbed :/ but maybe they were worried about not being able to lose 456 lbs in 7 the time i fell asleep i know i was.

The show itself was a little weak and predictable but like I said earlier it was good to see the dude get his long overdue gong. The opening sequence saw Doogie houser (sic) dance onto the stage singing about soap and booze while Baldwin - "I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old" - and martin descended on a stairlift made for two. There were a couple of good gags about Streep and her hitler memorabilia and asking who doesn't love Sandra bullock (apparently no one) .
In the middle of all this banter I was again drawn to the right of my laptop screen when the chat room really kicked off . Baldwin stared at Clooney and Clooney stared back. The joke shot straight over the heads of my night time chat acquaintances who began using cap locks (so i knew they were properly ANGRY) so say " WHAT A DOUCHE- BAG BALDWIN !! HOW DARE HE STARE AT GEORGE AND MAKE HIM FEEL BAD!!" "GRORGE LOOKS REALLY UPSET :( " "LOL...I MEAN WTF" "BLAH BLAH I'M 15 AND SHOULD BE IN BED ASLEEP'
...i sat back and tried to enlarge the shows window size again but it was still rubbish.
Martin summed up the intro piece by saying “If you’d like a transcript of tonight’s show, then you should really think about getting a life.” well I thought if anyone really does want a transcript they can just Google 'old jokes' and get the gist. That isn't to say it wasn't enjoyable, it is the Oscars after all, but it played out in such a way that you just know it seemed much funnier on paper than it was on stage.

The biggest winners of the night (in case you've been away a while in a bubble or summit) were the hurt locker,UP and Avatar. No one was going to beat the amazing balleyfermot 3D effects Avatar brings to life but literally everyone could beat it based on storyline. Its the equivalent of 1887's moving picture which shows a horse galloping. Thats all Avatar really needed to be. We go see Avatar to get engrossed in the plot, we went to see the culmination of 10 years work where the creators had to wait for technology to catch up and the ballyfermot student to graduate. Cameron must have been p!*!ed off though, especially sat behind his ex wife and her 6 golden clad friends.

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow),
Actor in a Leading Role: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Directing: The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow)
The last film I saw in 3D was Jaws.

I'll be online for it all again next year. Until then, heres that horse movie. One of the first moving pictures ever made so it impressive. The pictures were taken by Eadweard Muybridge but the plot is weak and (spoiler) we never find out where the horse goes..

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